I glady surrender myself to you..

As I sit here, on a deary Wednesday morning, my puppy in my lap, hot tea next to me, with Body and Soul blaring from my iPhone by Tony Bennett and Amy Winehouse. What a pleasant morning. Well, it's been awhile since I've blogged, but I'm back on the saddle.  I made my move, my big official move. I'm on my own again..starting anew. Scared as hell.. but I've fallen on my ass a few times to figure things out. Waiting on a very important phone call from a hospital I've always wanted to work for..and also waiting to here from the lovely state of NJ to see if my loan went through so I can finish this BSN.
..Ya know I must say, since I turned 23.. I've learned a hell of a lot about myself, people. relationships, where I want to be and what I deserve..I know you will continue to learn as you go on about life, grow older, etc. The one thing I now know is.. YOU CAN'T PLAN SHIT! You're plan will either happen, or not, or turn out completely opposite. I'm happy, excited for starting my life again, but at the same time sad, disapointed, this wasn't in my plans I say over and over. I still wish I could go to Bali and meet with Kiut Liar, and ask him where my life is going. Perhaps get a drawing that explains everything begins at the heart, and have four feet to ground you in this life. I also want to go to India and study with Buddhist monks. Well.. I guess all I can say is, here's to the future, wherever it may lead.. let it be a good one.

I'm beginning to see the light..

Literally. Fell off my beautiful, imaginary horse two days ago. We ( my husband and I) decided it's now or never. Day two.. no alcohol. We have a mission to change our lives and our choices before it's two late...so day two.

I'll be seeing you..

In all the old familiar places.

So, I'm beginning to think I pushed "play", too fast. I ran for an hour in the cold, and then sat outside in the cold for another hour.. just to avoid. It's funny the places I'm finding comfort in now. I hope this doesn't last forever, my biggest fear is a wasted life. Well, on another note.. pup got her shots today.. and she's now 3 lbs! YAY! My baby girl.. couldn't do it without her....

<3

A side note from old blog..

The blog I wrote that spoke of me saying that I feel I've pressed "pause", like in a video game. That I'm afraid to press play because I'm scared of what's to come. Either change or not. Either good or bad. Well, I've pressed play.. and I'm sure hoping that I win the game..

Home

So I've come here on a journey. I do believe I'm going through a "quarter life crisis". From piercing my ears, to then my belly button, now adding a new amazing tattoo that just gives me the strength I have been missing by just looking at it. Questions that have been running through my head have been.. stay in career or start over, work on marriage or run for the hills, or just plain run away and join the circus?! I'm sure I could work on being a tight rope walker.. or a clown (which isn't far off from what I'm feeling). I've been going through trials and tribulations over the past, well, year. Job gain, body giving up on me, job loss, marriage, troubled marriage, regaining my strength after losing job.. and so it goes. I've come here to just..talk, well I guess type. I don't want to continue to bother the people I love with my self-loathing and self-doubt. Recently, I moved back to my mother's for a few weeks, returned back to my home yesterday. I must say, in those some odd weeks, I found myself again. I smile, laugh, hell I even prance around dancing to the music. So, here it goes..let's give this a try....